It’s one of the hardest things to do – some would say up there with creating a hover board.

I have lived in Perth all my life and it’s fair to say we have copped a bashing for the way we merge (or lack of merging,) and to be honest most of it is fair.

Recently we highlighted the governments plan to help with the merging situation in Perth by spending $8.5 million dollars on ‘Merging Lanes‘.

In light of this, I thought we cold save the government $8.5 million and explain right here and now just how to merge in Perth.

Rule 1: If you ain’t first, you’re last

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If the car to the right or left of you is in front – make sure to speed up, you don’t want them to get in front of you. Remember what Ricky Bobby told you.

Rule 2: Slow and steady

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I understand that some drivers don’t agree with Rule 1 as they are ‘safer’ drivers. So if this is you, as an example – when merging into a 100km speed limit zone such as the freeway ensure that you are travelling at 70kmph, it is much easier to merge with cars at this speed.

Rule 3: Indicating?

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Ensure that you don’t indicate – drivers don’t want to see hundreds of lights blinking everywhere in front of them, it can be confusing and distracting. Also there is an added bonus… by not using your indicator it helps with your car’s resale value – no one wants to buy a car with a used indicator.

See Also: Why Perth is the worst city in the world!

Rule 4: Hands on the wheel at all times

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If a car is silly enough to let you in definitely don’t wave or show any sign of thanks, keep your eyes on the road and hands on the wheel. You don’t want other cars sneaking in front of you (Remember Rule number 1.)

Rule 5: Biggest car wins?

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This is an old myth – don’t give way to the bigger car, if anything if you have a small car why not speed up and fit into the small gap/space, that will teach people for driving big slow 4WD, buses or trucks. Also remember it’s fine to get in front of these cars as they can stop quickly (Remember Rule number 1.)

Rule 6: Roadwork merging

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When you are driving along and see the sign showing that your lane is closed, don’t merge into the other lane straight away and get stuck in the traffic. Head right on down to the end of your lane and then quickly duck into the other lane. (Remember Rule number 1, 3 and 4)

Rule 7: Left hand lane

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You are driving on the freeway and obeying the rule of staying left because you are a good driver. You can see cars are coming down the ramp to merge with the freeway, under no circumstance should you move into the right hand lane to let them on to the freeway (even if the right hand lane is clear.) You were on the freeway first! It’s their fault they got on the freeway at that road.

So there you have it – follow these 7 simple rules and we won’t have to worry about the $8.5 million for ‘marge lanes’.

If I missed any golden merging rules please share them with me @adam_barrell.

But wait there’s more! Fionn Mulholland provides a How to Drive Like a Human in Perth. Warning the video may… does contain coarse language.